I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
