I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
only you would photoshop your dick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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