the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
