We're facebook friends in real life
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
