just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
