I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
