He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
