Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
