this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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