Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
