i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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