This is not my ceiling
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
