hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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