My hand turned me down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
