can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
