I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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