her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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