The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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