Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
