i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
