Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
