No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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