i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
