I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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