we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
