Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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