I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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