my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
