You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
