I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
