help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
