How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The adults are the big ones right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
