Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
