Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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