Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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