We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
