its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
