So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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