Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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