i just wanna soil my oats bro
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
