dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
