i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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