he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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