did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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