Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
