windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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