i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
