Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
