I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
