i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
