1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
