omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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