just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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