"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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