I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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