yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
