i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
