remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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