I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
