How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
