We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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