My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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