i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
