Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
