The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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