i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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