So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
