Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
