but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
