I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
