He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
