im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
