home. puking in laundry basket.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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