she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
