So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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