are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
