I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
