Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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