I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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