I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
