Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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