at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
