why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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