Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
